Would You Buy Your Own Engagement Ring? I Did.

Woman Showing Diamond Ring

I read recently that more and more women are buying their own engagement rings. The reason was mostly because the women wanted the ring that they want, and aren’t expecting their man to have to pony up that much cash just because they want something more than he might be able to afford. Not a bad idea, but it takes some of the magic out of the whole proposal thing a little.

I know this because I, too, bought my own engagement ring – although not at all for the reason above. I’m not sure how many women out there are in the same situation I was in, but it went like this; we had been together for years, we’d already bought a house together, and had been talking marriage for a long time, I had a feeling he wouldn’t actually do it though. I took care of the finances in our relationship, and the only way he would be able to do it without me knowing was if he was secretly squirreling away money on his own, and I had serious doubts that was happening.

So, I started saving a little on my own, just for this. I’m fairly basic, and not really into jewelery or diamonds much, so I didn’t save a lot, the principal of the ring is more important to me than the bling of the ring. We were out to dinner one night, and I brought up the question, “When do you think we’ll get married?” His reply was, “Whenever we can afford it.” I said, “Well, what would you do if I told you we could afford a ring right now?” He said, “Then after dinner, let’s go get a ring.” And, that we did. It worked, I was excited, but I will admit, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get the surprise of an all-his-idea proposal. Perhaps that was a red flag I should have paid attention to… If he would never do it on his own – should we be doing it at all?

We never did end up getting married. We split up a few years later. It was a very difficult, painful time for me – I thought the world was ending. However, in hindsight, it was the best thing that ever happened to me – which explains my passion for the work we do at www.shouldigetmarried.net

I’m very curious, how many other women out there also bought their own ring? What were the reasons? Did you get married? Are you still married?

 

7 Responses

  1. I just don’t think it matters. I received a bracelt for an engadgement ring. We’ve now been married for 52 years. Trust me it’s the love between you not the ring.
    Oops, I found you through BHB.

  2. That’s wonderful! Thanks for sharing, and I agree, the love is what’s most important, that’s why I didn’t mind buying my own ring.

  3. I also found you via BHB. I have never been married, but was given a promise ring. I did not like the one he selected, and returned it for one of equal monetary value for one I liked. He was smart to keep the receipt. Even though we eventually parted ways, we have remained friends over the years, about 12 years, so far. I still wear the ring, but on my right hand. He was the only one I ever thought I would spend my life with, and so will always be special to me. The ring is not expensive, but the sentiment is there. That is what matters!

    1. That’s a very nice story – not everyone can split and remain so close. I wish we could all do that. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be, and there doesn’t have to be any hard feelings.

  4. We haven’t owned any rings in over 18 years. And we have been married for over 20. The ring just isn’t all that important. What matters is the relationship. But then our view is also that the wedding day isn’t all that important either. Why would you base your life on a single day going perfectly?

    1. I couldn’t agree with you more. Actually, I think that if everyone getting married, would imagine their life without being able to afford a huge wedding with all the hoopla, or even a really expensive ring – would they reconsider?

  5. Mary Slagel says:

    I would and would not buy my own ring. I wouldn’t for the reasons you listed: because if he isn’t going to buy it, then are we really ever going to get married? But if he wanted to propose and was ready to marry but couldn’t afford it, I would have no problem paying for it. However, I want him to pick out the ring. I think it shows how much dedication something has to you and how well they know you by what type of ring they choose. I don’t mean I want anything expense and the bigger the rock, the more dedication they have. I mean that the style of ring or cut of diamond or different gem shows how they view you and how well they have gotten to know you.

 

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