What If You Say “I Don’t”?

Getting married is to be one of the most special days of your life. It’s supposed to be forever, and many women dream of the day most of their lives. Everyone wants a fairytale, but it doesn’t always happen. Divorce is so commonplace that it’s an issue that many people discuss, even when just considering marriage. Why has it become so acceptable to discuss the separation before the union? It seems to me that if the issue of divorce is this much in the forefront, perhaps the marriage should just not take place, at least not now.

So what about the folks that do call it off, realizing in time, that this just isn’t the right thing to be doing right now? I congratulate all of them. So many people proceed with the marriage, knowing it’s not right, or that it won’t work out. Why? It’s too late. Too much money has been spent. How embarrassing will this be? What will people think?

Nonsense. If you realize this is wrong, call it off! It takes strength to do that and, yes, probably a bit of embarrassment or humility, but it seems a very small price to pay versus years of unhappiness, dishonesty, a broken family, and broken hearts. Your friends and loved ones (if they truly care about you) will get over it and want you to be happy. If the one left standing at the alter truly is the one for you, then it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and not when it feels forced.

What to do if you actually do end up saying, “I don’t”? I read an article [reference] that contained some great ideas from women who realized at, or just shortly before getting to, the altar that getting married wasn’t the right thing to do. The money had been spent, the invitations were out… It doesn’t have to be too late. If you can’t get your money back, you could always throw the party anyway. Everyone is already there, dressed up, and looking forward to a good time. This way they get what they came for, and they can take their gifts back home. Another woman whose fiancee called it off a week before their date was unable to get her money back, so she “donated” her reception to a nearby retirement home, making hundreds of senior citizens thrilled. Plus, if you don’t go crazy spending tens of thousands of dollars, you won’t have that much to lose or to be embarrassed about if it doesn’t happen.

Love is only one of many important aspects of marriage. If you’re really feeling that this isn’t right (and not just nerves or cold feet), it’s okay to say “I Don’t.” Is being married just for the sake of being married really worth it?


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