Should Your Spouse Be Your Best Friend?

elephant and dog sit on a beach

I’ve been asking the question a lot lately, ‘Should your spouse be your best friend?’ I’m asking mostly to just get answers, I don’t have a necessarily profound viewpoint. When I was younger, and married, I thought that there had to be something fundamentally wrong with our relationship if we weren’t each others best friend.

There are a lot of interpretations of what a ‘best friend’ means, too, but when I say it, I really mean best friend. The one you confide in, the one who has your back, in any circumstance, who knows your secrets. The one you talk to when no one else will do. Plenty of couples have this in each other, plenty more say they do, but I don’t think it’s always the case. Lot’s of men have their one best buddy, and many women have that ‘sister’ type of friend, the one we go to, perhaps, to talk about our spouse when their is a problem in the relationship, does that person mean any more, or less than our spouse? Should it? What about a step further… can one have a best friend of the opposite sex, who isn’t your spouse?

I read an article today talking about how some of the strongest relationships are forged in times of crisis. I suppose it was like that for me; my best friend is a man, he is married, his wife is a wonderful woman. She understands that he and I have this special bond, and it doesn’t bother her (although I can’t say that it never did). There have been times when she had even called me to come talk to him, in that way that only I can. Our friendship may not have been forged out of crisis, but it strengthened us, that’s for sure. He was my late husband’s best friend. I’d known him all though our relationship, and marriage, and when my husband passed unexpectedly, at a very young age, he and I were the ones that understood each others loss to the same degree, and it made our friendship so much stronger. There has never been anything romantic between us, and there never will be.

I truly believe that you have to be your own best friend first, and be able to love yourself before ever being able to really love someone else. I also don’t think that there is really just one person who was made to satisfy every need of another. That’s why we have intimate, and platonic relationships simultaneously. I’m not currently in a romantic relationship, and I wonder what reaction a new man in my life will have once I make it clear that this other man is who I consider my best friend, and always will be. Would it be unfair of me to enter into a new relationship without allowing that new person to fill that slot if it were possible?

What do you think?


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