Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Woman Sitting Outside Of Her House

A fascinating article came across my desk the other day, regarding what makes women stay in a relationship that they know isn’t right, or worse – marry when they know it’s not going to work.

They listed the top five reasons women gave for this behavior. It was particularly interesting because these reasons applied to many types of relationships, not just romantic ones. I think it’s a natural behavior, not just for women. We all do it, I’m guilty myself, for me it wasn’t in a romantic relationship, but rather one of employment. The reason I bring it up, is because the reasons were identical. I had worked in a corporate position for almost two decades, and by the last five to ten years of that ‘relationship’, I was miserable, growing more so everyday. I complained a lot, and I knew that I was no longer happy, but I did not leave.

Now I ask myself “Why did I stay?” The same reasons people gave for staying in their relationship too long; I’d invested so much time, I was scared of giving up the good aspects of the relationship to find it’s only worse elsewhere, maybe things will get better if I would just stick it out, etc. A good friend of mine in the same position put it perfectly; “Being at this job is like having a bad boyfriend. Just when you get yourself ready to bail, they go and do something nice to remind you of the reasons you should stay.”

In any relationship where you’ve grown accustomed to a certain comfort level, it becomes very difficult to sever, when deep down, you know you need to. If it’s a job, the consequences aren’t as severe, only you run a risk at that point. In a relationship though, it’s much more serious. At the very least, the two people are at risk of being hurt, but does that make it any more right for you to stay on and continually grow more and more miserable, and resentful towards your significant other?

Of course not! That same reason is exactly why you should get out if you know the relationship is no longer working out. I’m by no means saying that you should bail at the first sign of trouble, or that you shouldn’t be trying to work out your issues. I’m talking strictly about relationships that are, or should have been over, yet continue only because of fear (of being alone), or unrealistic expectations (things will change if we stick it out, or worse, have a child) or sheer laziness. (I don’t want to go through the hassle of splitting up, separating all our stuff).

If your heart is no longer in the relationship – and I believe everyone does know when they reach that point, regardless of whether they choose to ignore it or not – it’s time to get out. After all, breaking up with someone after a very long term relationship is tough, I know first hand, but marrying someone when you’ve already got those feelings is much worse.

 

3 Responses

  1. It allows both parities involved, who are not ready to make a real commitment, to make a lesser commitment.
    When temptation arises, you just simply look at the
    promise ring you wear on your finger to remind you of that promise you
    made to your partner or your loved one. Promise rings are an excellent tool for young couples who are intent
    on being exclusive and monogamous with one another.

    1. Good point. Promise rings are something I was never really a big fan of, but I’m coming around to them, they can serve as good “practice” for what it’ll be like, at least in the relationship and socially, to be married.

  2. Depending on which form of stone that she’ll like and what you may find the money for, a diamond promise ring has long been an all time favored. However, when exchanging the ring, with whomever you choose, be sure to be perfectly clear on the terms and conditions of the promise. In general, there are 2 major types of promise rings which are commonly used amongst youngsters today:.

 

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